Ski

Each year at this time, millions of school and workdays are missed because of colds, flu or Skiing/Riding. Complicating the matter is that many people get bad allergies such as ragweed pollen not to mention increased exposure of staying indoors to pet dander and dust mites.

Since, these illnesses share the same symptoms they are sometimes hard to tell apart.

Here is a handy chart that can help you distinguish the not so obvious

Symptoms	Airborne Allergies	Cold	Flu	Skiing/Riding
Fever	Never	Rare	Usual, 100 to 102 F can be higher in Children lasting 3-4 days	Always, catching it with the first indication of snow
Headache	Rare	Rare	Common	Temporary, disappearing when skis are or board is attached and resuming when back at work
General Aches, Pains	Never	Slight	Usual, often severe	Typically, after skiing / riding, disappearing once submerged in hot tub.
Fatigue, Weakness	Sometimes	Sometimes	Usual, often severe	Typically, at end of ski/ride day and worsen when back to work
Extreme Exhaustion	Never	Never	Usual, at beginning of the illness	Usual, at the end of the ski/rideday
Stuffy, Runny Nose	Common	Common	Sometimes	Commonly, occurs at work due to the feeling of sadness having to work on a wonderful powder day.
Sneezing	Usual	Usual	Sometimes	Only at work the day prior before sneaking off to the slopes and on the day back to work.
Sore Throat	Sometimes	Common	Sometimes	Almost always from whooping it up on the slopes.
Cough	Sometimes	Common, hacking	Common, can become severe	Fake cough occurs at work when asked, “ how do you feel?” by the boss prior to a powder day.
Chest Discomfort	Rare	Mild to moderate	Common	Rare, occurs related to high altitude affect or followed by a sigh when the lifts are about to close.
Raccoon eyes	Never	Never	Never	Common, severe on sunny slope days
Action / Issues	Airborne Allergies	Cold	Flu	Skiing / Riding
Treatment	- Antihistamine - Nasal steroid (prescription only) - Decongestant	-Antihistamine -Decongestant Aspirin, acetaminophen or ibuprofen for aches and pains	-Aspirin, acetaminophen or ibuprofen for aches, pains and fever - Antiviral medicines	A day or two on the slopes. Treatment is enhanced when it occurs on a weekday with short or no liftlines.
Prevention	Avoid allergic things	-Wash hands often - Avoid close contact with people with a cold	-Wash hands often - Avoid close contact with people with a flu - Annual vaccination - Antiviral meds	- Quit current job and become a ski bum. - Get rich and buy a ski resort - get a daily pick me up on an Endless Slope
Complications	Sinus infection	Sinus congestion, middle ear infection, asthma	Bronchitis, pneumonia; can be life threatening	Getting caught playing hooky from work or school: can be career threatening.

By Sam Morishima a person who has Ski and Riding Flu every Winter, gets vaccinated with Season Passes at local ski resorts and continues his immunization during the off season on the SnoZone Endless Slope.

The Skier vs. An Irrefutable Skier

So What is the difference between a Skier and a Irrefutable Skier?

(I read this somewhere awhile ago and do not know the name of the author)

Skier: Drives to the local resort in the Beemer with the skis on the rack upside down, tips back.

An Irrefutable Skier: Hasn't dug his/her 1976 Ford F150 Pickup out since the last time he got an impound warning for impeding snow removal, walks to the lift, never shows his pass.

Skier: Got a great deal on the latest in ski gear.

An Irrefutable Skier: Picked up a used set at a garage sale and found his bindings in the

dumpster outside his apartment.

Skier: Goes out to a fine restaurant for dinner après ski.

Irrefutable Skier: Is his waiter.

Skier: His favorite run has a name like Jaws of Death, Outer Limits,

White Heat, Drop-off, The Wall, Crimson falls, or some such.

An Irrefutable Skier: His favorite run has no name.

Skier: Counts the number of days he skied last season.

An Irrefutable Skier: Counts the number of days he missed all year.

Skier: Wishes the ski season was longer.

An Irrefutable Skier: Didn't realize skiing was restricted to a particular season,

only that sometimes the lifts run and sometimes they don't.

Skier: Calls the avalanche report before hitting the resort.

An Irrefutable Skier: Calls in his observations to the Avalanche Forecast Center

when he gets back from his ski run.

Skier: Tells everyone that they should ski his favorite resort.

An Irrefutable Skier: Tells everyone that they should ski somewhere else.

Skier: Feels confident adjusting his binding.

An Irrefutable Skier: Feels comfortable mounting his bindings.

Skier: Thinks the female lift attendant is cute.

An Irrefutable Skier: Blushes when she tells him how much she enjoyed last night.

Skier: Subscribes to Powder Magazine to find out the hot places to ski.

An Irrefutable Skier: Skims through the ski rags while he's at the convenience store

buying beer to see how many of his favorite places they've ruined.

Skier: Thinks Vail is the resort of all resorts.

An Irrefutable Skier: Tells everyone that Vail is the resort of all resorts.

Skier: Buys all his buddies beers at the lodge.

An Irrefutable Skier: Gets all his beer free cause he lives with the guy tending bar.

Skier: Gets really pissed off when someone skis over the tops of

his skis.

An Irrefutable Skier: Paints his skis flat black so no one will steal them, worries

about the bottoms of his skis... not the tops.

Skier: Calls the resort snow report before heading up.

An Irrefutable Skier: Carries a hand held scanner so he knows when the patrol

is going to open the bowls.

Skier: Thinks off-piste is when you step into the trees to relieve yourself.

An Irrefutable Skier: Skis home to pee.

Skier: Thinks the backcountry is a bar.

An Irrefutable Skier: Hasn’t reached backcountry until he uses his climbing gear.

Skier: Thinks climbing skins are made of brightly colored Lycra(tm).

An Irrefutable Skier: Knows how to re-glue them.

Skier: Thinks snowboarders are pretty damn funny.

An Irrefutable Skier: Thinks snowboarders are pretty damn funny.

Skier: Has a fancy ski rack on his car.

An Irrefutable Skier: Has a fancy ski rack by the front door.

Skier: Sharpens his edges once a week.

An Irrefutable Skier: Sharpens his edges when he flies home to visit his parents

for Christmas in Vermont.

Skier: Knows all about snow making.

An Irrefutable Skier: Worked on the snowmaking crew for three years.

Skier: Calls a 1-900 number to get the latest weather report.

An Irrefutable Skier: Steps outside and looks up.

Skier: Has a Grateful Dead sticker on his BMW.

An Irrefutable Skier: Lives with four dead-heads in a one bedroom apartment.

Skier: Has a string of ski passes hanging all over his jacket from places

like Breckenridge and Vail and Aspen.

An Irrefutable Skier: Forgot his season pass at home... but it doesn't really matter.

Skier: Narrowly avoided injury in his last fall cause his skis came off.

Irrefutable skier: Narrowly avoided injury in his last fall cause his skis stayed on.

Skier: Wears GoreTex(tm).

An Irrefutable Skier: Wears duct tape.

Skier: Thinks high speed quads are a type of ski lift.

An Irrefutable Skier: Thinks high speed quads are the leg muscles of the guy

breaking trail.

Skier: Gets all excited cause it snowed 12 inches, gets up early

so he can beat the crowds.

An Irrefutable Skier: Sleeps in till noon since it only snowed a foot overnight.

Skier: Goes on ski vacation, flies out, rents a fancy Ford Explorer

that he parks outside the three bedroom condo he rents.

An Irrefutable Skier: Comes home from skiing to find some dumbshit tourist has parked a Ford Explorer with a Budget Rent-a-Car sticker in his spot again, pulls the valve stem cores from three tires, and tapes them to the windshield with a nasty note.

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Top 19 ways to prepare for your upcoming ski trip

(I read this somewhere awhile ago and I do not know the name of the author)

19. Tie a cinder block to each foot and climb a flight of stairs.

18. Sit on the outside of a fourth-story window ledge with your
 skis on and your poles in your lap for at least 30 minutes.

17. Bind your legs together at the ankles, lie flat on the floor;

 then, holding a banana in each hand, get to your feet.


16. Visit your local butcher and pay $30 to sit in the walk-in  freezer 
for a half an hour. Afterwards, burn two $100 dollar bills to warm up.

15. Soak your gloves and store them in the freezer after every use.

14. Fasten a small, wide rubber band around the top half of your head
 before you go to bed each night.

13. If you wear glasses, begin wearing them with glue smeared on the lenses.

12. Throw away a hundred dollar bill-right now.

11. Find the nearest ice rink and walk across the ice 20  times in your ski boots 
carrying two pairs of skis, accessory  bag and poles. 
Pretend you are looking for your car.  Sporadically drop things.

10. Place a small but angular pebble in your shoes, line them with crushed ice,
 and then tighten a C-clamp around your toes.

9. Buy a new pair of gloves and immediately throw one away.

8. Secure one of your ankles to a bedpost and ask a friend to run into 
you at high speed.

7. Go to McDonald's and insist on paying $16.50 for a  hamburger. Be sure you 
are in the longest line.

6. Clip a lift ticket to the zipper of your jacket and ride a motorcycle fast enough 
to make the ticket lacerate your face.


5. Drive slowly for five hours - anywhere - as long as it's  in a snowstorm and you're 
following an 18-wheeler.

4. Fill a blender with ice then hit the pulse button and let the spray blast your face.
 Leave the ice on your face until it melts. Let it drip into your clothes.


3. Dress up in as many clothes as you can and then proceed to take them off because 
you have to go to the bathroom.

2. Slam your thumb in a car door. Don't go see a doctor.

1. Repeat all of the above every Saturday and Sunday until it's time for the real thing!